If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
