For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
