my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
