Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
