I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
