Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
