here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
