maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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