she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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