So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
