In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
