Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize