I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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