ugly people sure do ruin things
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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