I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Randomize
