Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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