Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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