guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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