Me. At least after what I've been through.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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