I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize