the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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