He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
