i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
