I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
