I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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