Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
