I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
