Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
