why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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