You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
