I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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