i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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