Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
