you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
