sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
