Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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