i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
