dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
