Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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