My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
