Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
