If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
