I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
