I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize