my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
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