if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
