Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
