She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
