We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize