The maid of honor just puked.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
