dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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