i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
