loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
