You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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