Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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