I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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