Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize