I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Randomize
