So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
this boner is exhausting
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
