i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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