Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
