I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
