i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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