I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
