He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize