Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
