turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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