So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
